The Blessing of Mistake-Making

Experience is attractive. Mistakes aren’t.

There is something attractive in being able to say that you are experienced in something. And usually, the inexperienced look up to the experienced, to gain much needed insight and guidance, so that they can also eventually one day say that they are experienced.

But no one likes to make mistakes. We tend to reason that making mistakes is a sign of weakness or deficiency.

Making mistakes is a blessing. Without being given the opportunity to make mistakes, we will not be able to gain experience.  

I don’t consider myself to be a perfectionist, but when it comes to work, and working in a team, I am a bit like George Foreman; I want to be so proud of it that I can put my name on it. This often doesn’t bode well for the people that work with me. I tend to be a bit of a control freak at times.

I reckon this is one of the most common traits for many people who have had a bit of experience in whichever field: we struggle to give over the reins to less experienced people, because we fear that something that bears our name will be labeled as not good enough. While doing this, we are often withholding someone the blessing of making mistakes, and gaining much needed experience.

Telling people about the lessons that we have learnt and the mistakes that we have made, is a step in the right direction. But it’s not good enough.  In many instances, people need for us to create a platform for them to fail miserably, and learn. There are many times where we should be willing to step back, and nudge someone else to the front.

Mike Breen suggests the principle of High Accountability and Low Control. High Control and Low Accountability is much safer; you know the job will get done, it’s much easier to micromanage and you know you won’t have to clean up after other people’s spills. But it’s not going to help people to grow and develop.

High Accountability and Low Control, on the other hand, is dangerous. You will not have control, and there is a good chance that you might have to do things all over again. Your good name and reputation will be at stake. But people will be able to learn, and grow. I don’t like this principle. But I know that it is the best principle.

We see this principle in action with Jesus and the disciples. He taught them a radical and upside-down way of doing life, he showed them what the Kingdom of God is all about. And then He sent them. To go  do what they have heard, seen, and experienced. But Jesus didn’t only send them so that they could go fail; amidst the inexperience and the mistakes, wonderful things happened. And Jesus guided them through it all. Through the mess and the beauty.

When it comes to discipleship,relationships with less experienced colleagues, guidance, mentorship, coaching or whatever fits, a good preliminary question to ask, is: what is the most important thing that is at stake here? My reputation, or the life and transformation of the other?

If love is not the motivation behind the guidance, I am withholding someone from growing.       

Extra Cover(age) on Cricket, Family and Faith

I don’t like cricket, I love it. I’m one of those guys who wake up in the middle of the night when the Proteas take on the Aussies down-under, or who will spend five days in front of the television during Christmas holiday to watch a boxing day test.

In my mind, I am one of the most accomplished swing bowlers the world has ever seen, my specialty being backyard cricket! My figures most definitely doesn’t substantiate my belief, but no one will convince me otherwise.

Gary Kirsten and C.T. Studd are two cricketing greats that I look up to.

Gary Kirsten played international cricket when I was still in school. He was my favorite batsman. Not overly flamboyant, but with heaps of dogged determination he managed to pile up the runs. I loved watching Gary, a left-handed batsman, drive the ball through extra cover and play probably his favorite shot; the cut shot.

As a player and coach (for the World Cup winning India, and South Africa) he is known for his calmness and excellent ability to nurture and manage players.

When the news broke that he would not extend his current contract with Cricket South Africa because he wanted to spend more time with his young family, I can’t say that I was overly surprised. Throughout his playing and especially his coaching career, I got the sense that family was of great importance for him.

For a man who was willing to put the weight of his family above the weight of the South African cricketing community, I want to take off my cricketing hat.

I believe that parents who struggle to maintain the balance between work and family, is one of our greatest challenges. I encounter a whole lot of teens who are desperate for attention and love from their fathers, especially. Many fathers also struggle to really be present when they  are spending time with their family. If teenagers don’t find acceptance and love at home, they will go search for it in other places until they find it, however skewered that love and acceptance may be.

We can write volumes on the reasons why many eighteen to thirty year olds are either not part of a faith community or are not interested to follow Christ. I believe that one of the reasons is the fact that many children are not experiencing at home what their parents are professing on Sundays. If our faith does not give birth to tangible love and spiritual disciplines in the family, we are missing the point.  

Meet C.T. Studd; one of the English cricketers who played in the test against Australia, that started the famous Ashes trophy. At the young age of 22 and only having played international cricket for six months, the promising cricketer answered the call to become a missionary. 

Studd played a role in the formation of the Student Volunteer Movement, where students could commit two years of their life to international missions. He had a vision for China, India and Africa. He spent about fifteen years in China, six years in India, and spent the rest of his life in spreading the Good News in Africa; Sudan and Congo especially.

Kirsten gave up the South African coaching job. Studd gave up cricket altogether. Both did it because they were convinced it was the right thing to do.

May all of us be obedient in what we are called to do, even though it may not seem like the obvious decision.

Can you share a time in your life when you were called to make the not-so-obvious choice; or are you convinced that it is time to make a change?  

 

In Search of Our Roots

When all our veils are lifted, when our masks are taken off, what do you think will we see? Will we see goodness, or darkness?

I recently had a pretty inspiring conversation with someone on this topic. We spoke about the things we have read about what was inherent in all people. Are people essentially good or bad? He explained that all people are outraged by injustice, even though the scope of what people may view as an injustice may differ. I don’t know any people who celebrate the fact that young girls are sexually abused. Neither do I know people who feel that corruption should be encouraged. People’s outrage over some societal ills is an indication that, behind the surface, at the root of all people, there is goodness to be found.

I sometimes get the idea that we have started believing that, once sin entered the world, the root of man has become rotten. I’ve realized that my own thoughts often expose my deepest belief about myself and other people.

If I believe that at the very root of man’s existence there is darkness to be found, the chances are that I won’t have much hope for the world to become a better place. It’s almost like trying to get a lot of water out of a sinking ship with a very small bucket; I might cause a slight delay, but either way, the ship will sink.

If we are partakers of the Kingdom of God in our world, but we believe that the world is a sinking ship, what’s the use in trying? If a doctor prepares to do an operation, but he is certain that it will never work, why bother?

I believe (as many others also have said), that people are inherently good creatures, with the potential of loving unconditionally.

Psalm 139 helps me with this: “Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation!” The Message

I don’t believe that it is possible to have a healthy self-image when I believe that, at the root of who I am, there is selfishness to be found. No follower of Christ will be able to fully grasp the meaning of what it means to live a selfless life, if we believe that we are inherently selfish people. It would be expecting of us to become something that we simply aren’t.

It might be possible for individuals to believe that they are inherently good, but to believe the same truth about all people is not that easy. I might find it possible to believe this about my best friend, but to believe this about the ‘worst’ person I know, is an altogether different thing. I believe that this is the key to loving people unconditionally; not necessarily seeing them for who they seem to be, but seeing the potential for what they might be able to become. This is a great motivation for me to never give up on people.

Jesus is the perfect example of someone who was willing to sacrifice himself for others. No other human being can teach us more about selflessness. I believe that if we start scraping off all the excess from ourselves and other people, we will find wonderfully created people, and people with the desire not to live for themselves, but to live selfless lives.               

The Love House

Have you ever walked into a place and wished you could spend the whole day there?

A friend of mine recommended I visit a place in Sunnyside, Pretoria (South Africa) called The Love House. I don’t really know what to call the place. It’s a coffee shop, but to call The Love House a coffee shop, just doesn’t seem right. There is a sofa and a few cushions where you can sit down and relax, but it seems better to just wander around and appreciate all the inspiring elements in the room. Let’s just call it a house that sells great coffee.

Whenever I walk into someone’s house, there are two things I notice first: books and art. The Love House is filled with both. Whenever I get to see the books that people read and the type of art they like, I get an idea of who they are and what they like. But The Love House is different. It’s an eclectic mix of many different elements: the American Liberation Movement, South African Freedom Fighters, cheesy quotes, fine art, good poetry and Rastafarian influence. To prove my point: on the same shelf, you can find a book on sexual health and a book written by Solly Osrovech!  

I’ve been wondering why this place left such a great impression on me. I don’t like sweet incense or music by Busta Rhymes, and both were present at The Love House. I think it’s because I felt warmth, and I experienced a whole lot of inspiration.

I didn’t have cash with me, and The Love House doesn’t have card facilities. When they heard that I couldn’t buy some of their coffee, they explained that they would love for me to taste how great their coffee is, and that I could pay some other day.

The hospitality that I experienced at The Love House was second to none.

I would love for people to feel at home in my house. I think what I’ve learnt is that people don’t need to have an appreciation for what your preferences of art, books or music are to feel at home in your presence.

In hindsight, I think that whoever chooses to enter The Love House, will feel welcome, appreciated and loved. That is what hospitality is all about.

Maybe all of us can learn from them. Especially followers of Christ.  

Before you step into The Love House, you have to take off your shoes. When I left, it felt like I wanted to leave my shoes there. People have a need to experience sacred spaces and moments.      May we inspire to have many warm and welcoming encounters with different people, and create sacred spaces, spaces where people will want to leave behind their shoes. 

A Piece of my Mind on Peace

What does peace mean for you?

It seems like, in many cases nowadays, the word peace is associated with bunnies, flowers and open fields, or it is mentioned in conjunction with the word war. There are calls for peace when there are possibilities of conflict. It is pretty futile to only start talking of peace when conflict is lingering. The possibility of peace should be explored long before the crisis of conflict arises.

The Hebrew word for peace, Shalom, opens up the wealth of meaning hidden in this word for us to exploit. Shalom is completeness, it’s about relationships on different levels; relationships that are as they can and should be. Shalom happens when all is well; with the relationship with my community, with the significant relationships in my life, and with the Prince of Peace.

We are familiar and comfortable with the idea that peace can be found where everything is simple, quiet and where there is space for rest. And rightly so.

But peace can also be found in the mess; when there is pressure, when life doesn’t make sense, when relationships take strain.

When Jesus traveled to Bethany, he was welcomed into the home of Martha and Mary. Martha made Jesus feel at home, but was pulled away by everything she had to do in the kitchen. Mary was hanging on every word that Jesus said, but Martha’s welcoming heart started changing into an irritated one. She couldn’t bear the thought that Mary was doing nothing, while she had to do everything. So she asked Jesus to tell Mary to lend her a hand. Jesus replied:

“Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it – it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.” The Message

I reckon the problem wasn’t with what Martha was doing, but what was happening with her heart, while she was doing it.

Before Jesus’ ascension, he said:

“I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace…”

Shalom is a gift of God. If we are able to live in His peace amidst the everyday, Martha stuff, the messiness, the pressure and the difficult relationships, His peace will be even more precious when there are times where, like Mary, we are quiet, still, and not preoccupied.

I would like to live a peaceful life, a life that oozes of God’s Shalom. I would like for people to see that my peacefulness does not depend on what is happening in my life. I would like to show people that peace is worth fighting for, and it is found in the mess as much as the quiet and restful. Peace can be an everyday thing. 

Misguided Boldness that Looks Like Coldness

David Kinnaman’s book unChristian is definitely a must read if you are passionate about young people and the church. He did some valuable research about the perceptions that young people outside the church had about Christians. The three most common answers that they received, was that Christians are judgmental, anti-homosexual, and hypocritical. The research left a pretty sour taste in my mouth.

Some of the responses I heard by Christians about the results of the research, was that the perceptions of people outside the church are misguided and mostly untrue. I tend to believe that these perceptions should be considered and taken seriously. Whatever we think about what young people’s perceptions are; if we don’t take note and ask some honest questions, we shouldn’t expect that these perceptions will change soon.

I believe that one of the mistakes that Christians (myself included) often make, is that we direct our boldness to the wrong places. For followers of Christ, misguided boldness is one of the reasons why the perceptions about us are not very healthy. Because of our misguided boldness, we sometimes come across as the self-appointed watchdogs of good morals in society, and it seems like everyone should fit into the way we would like society to look like.

To add fuel to the fire, young people outside the church encounter Christians who can’t seem to keep to the morals that they are so passionately trying to protect. Therefore, we are often perceived as judgmental on the one hand, and hypocritical on the other.

Does the fact that young people outside the church view Christians as anti-homosexual mean that we shouldn’t have a conviction? I don’t think so. But it might be that homosexual people feel like modern-day lepers.

In our pursuit of holiness, I think we sometimes spend too much attention on what we should not do, than what we should. Followers of Christ’s main objective is pretty simple, really: to follow Christ. If our boldness is directed to the right places, maybe we’ll start being more critical of ourselves than people outside the church. If Jesus chose to associate himself with the outcasts of society, the prostitutes, the lepers; we might do well to start doing the same. I believe we are often perceived as judgmental, because we spend too much time with fellow believers, and too little with people who do not believe. Relationships with our brothers and sisters in the faith are often comforting and pretty straightforward, while choosing to have relationships with people who don’t think or live like we do, might be messy and difficult at first. But if we are serious about breaking the perceptions, that is where we should be willing to go. Kinnaman mentions that we should be willing to facilitate conversations with people that we don’t agree with, and goes on to say that “chances are their perspectives will challenge us.” 

The bad perceptions about Christians is in many respects because of the fact that there is little similarity between us and the One we want to follow. To the outsider, we just look too much like the rest of the people who don’t call themselves followers of Christ. In response to these perceptions, maybe we should get off our high horses, and onto the ground; where we can show people outside the church that we are imperfect, broken people, who try to follow Jesus, and the witness of this is in the way we show love, compassion and acceptance to all people. 

Pray for the People

 

 

I would like to introduce you to the Great Dane with nine lives…

 

Meet Djembe.

 

He is a six month old puppy, but he is already bigger than most dogs in the neighborhood! It is pretty difficult to explain, but let’s just say Djembe is a communal dog. He has many owners, and many places that he can call home.

 

You might want to correct me by saying that a dog shouldn’t be referred to as “he”, but rather “it”. The fact that I choose to refer to “him” rather than “it”, gives you a glimpse of my slightly unhealthy love for dogs.

 

In Djembe’s short life, he has survived a serious bout of Parvo (cat fever), and he managed to slip out of the yard a few days ago. Luckily a modern day Good Samaritan dropped him off at the local vet. It’s safe to say that Djembe has been on the receiving end of a whole lot of prayers lately!

 

I attended a prayer event for different countries the other evening. It got me thinking about the scope of my prayers.

 

In South Africa, one of the recent newsworthy reports have been the war in the Central African Republic. Thirteen of our soldiers passed away during a skirmish with the rebels. I have tried to stay as up to date as possible about what has happened. Yesterday,  President Jacob Zuma announced that our troops would be withdrawn from CAR. During this prayer event, I realized that even though I was informed, I wasn’t really serious about praying for the situation. Subconsciously, I think it says something about my conviction about, and my attitude towards prayer.

 

If something doesn’t affect me in some way, I find it more difficult to intercede for it in prayer. I’m not proud to admit it, but it is probably a reflection of my preoccupation with my own life. Maybe that is why Peter, James and John fell asleep when Jesus asked them to pray with him; maybe they didn’t feel the burden like Jesus did.

 

I have prayed more for a dog in the past few weeks, than I have for the persecuted church. Surely, this can’t be right. We all know the old saying: “Out of sight, out of mind.” Because I am not confronted by the challenges other people face, it doesn’t affect me. Can you relate with this?

 

I think the answer lies on two different levels.

 

On one level, I think we should start training ourselves to make a habit of praying for local and international issues that we are aware of. Does the news in the media disable me, or does it inspire me to pray? Furthermore, if we don’t stay informed about our fellow believers across the world, we will certainly not pray for them. A great resource you can use to pray for the world and the persecuted church, is a book called Operation World. Also visit www.opendoors.com.

 

On another level, I think we should also start asking ourselves: “Why do I not feel the burden to pray for what is happening around the world?” I reckon we will find that it is also a heart issue. Test your own heart, and ask God to transform your heart; to give you a heart that is concerned about other hearts.

 

Psalm 32 puts it bluntly: “…Every one of us needs to pray; when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts we’ll be on high ground, untouched…Let me give you some good advice: I’m looking you in the eye and giving it to you straight: ‘Don’t be ornery like a horse or mule that needs bit and bridle to stay on track. God-defiers are always in trouble; God-affirmers find themselves loved every time they turn around.” The Message

Pray for the people.